So Eve, here’s the deal: I have equipped you with one hormone that will rise slowly after about a week, then drop a little, then kinda stay up-ish for a while. It will do things like change your cervical “barb wire” of mucopolysaccha-something fibers into a “sperm superhighway” so that you can be fertile… (what, Adam? Yes buddy, I love you too). Ok so Eve, this hormone will increase another hormone that will spike and make you release an egg and I like basketball so there will be a gap between the egg origin and the hoop w/ fingers its aiming for and usually it’ll make it but sometimes not and that could be pretty bad so lets hope my shot is on. So, then another hormone comes and then kinda negates the effects of the first hormone and turns the highway back into barb wire… (oh no, Adam don’t cry, the highway will return in like 20 days).
Now... uh... hmmmm there's a fourth hormone in here somewhere. Nevermind that for now… so this will happen monthly... yeeeeaaah every month, I hope that's cool with you. So now Adam will happily go to the store to buy you some tissue products to help with the bleeding... did I not mention the bleeding? How about the cramps? …Right… anyway, if you and Adam have a lovely evening together and use the parts that I gave you (the ones that you cover up with the leaves) around the time of that 2nd hormone spike then you will be honored with having your inner organs squished especially on the right side, gaining like 30 pounds, probably getting diabetes, and having an easier time falling down stairs before you give birth to a tiny version of you + Adam that you'll have to take care o; oh and be careful because those things get sick very easily. BUT while you've got this little person in your belly, guess what, Adam will buy you lots ice cream, won't you Adam, so that’s nice, right!... Huh? What’d you say?… does giving birth hurt… ummm let’s go with no for now.
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